


LORD: Legion of Random Dinos

by BouncyDragon



Series: LORD: Legion of Random Dinos [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Also i regret nothing, Alternate Universe - Crack, Avenger Loki, Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, DTSWDT Club, Dinos make everything better, Dinosaurs, Don't Tell Steve We're Doing This Club, Eventual Fluff, Gen, I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Nonsense, Ridiculous, This is so ridiculous, dragon - Freeform, i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26342449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyDragon/pseuds/BouncyDragon
Summary: Steve: Uh... Tony, what are you doing?Tony: Isn't it obvious? Feeding a velociraptor.Steve: ... Okay, why is there a dinosaur in your workshop?Tony: Loki summoned him.Steve: Why would you do such a thing?Loki: Why wouldn't I? Also, his name is Rex.*****Steve had seen a lot of things, but a living dinosaur was definitely new. He should've known leaving Tony and Loki alone was a bad idea. Well, it was only one dinosaur. It couldn't get any worse, right? It had probably been Tony's idea because he wanted to see a living dinosaur. This surely wouldn't have any unexpected consequences. Surely...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Loki & Avengers Team, Loki/Tony Stark
Series: LORD: Legion of Random Dinos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933141
Comments: 56
Kudos: 121





	1. Velociraptor

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on a very long, stupidly funny Tumblr chat post (technically one original post and all its reblogs). Although I did take some creative liberties here and there. 
> 
> Don't take it too seriously. It really is just a bunch of nonsense. The dialogue is directly copied from the Tumblr post, I merely added the story around it. One chapter = one reblog of the original post. It was fun to write, the chats and this now.
> 
> Please be kind. I know it's ridiculous and stupid. But it's also just meant for fun and isn't really supposed to make any sense at all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve: Note to myself: never leave Tony, Loki and Clint alone again.

Ever since Loki had moved into the tower and had become an active part of the Avengers, any kind of mischief was a daily occurrence. They had gotten pretty used to it by now. Steve didn't mind really. Not anymore at least. Loki's pranks were mostly harmless and he could admit that they were funny. His non-prank mischief was sometimes inconvenient but also harmless. What Steve hadn't anticipated—and how could he have—was that Loki's mischievous and frankly carefree, bordering on reckless, nature would affect the rest of the team as well. 

It had started with Tony and Clint, Steve supposed. 

One day, Steve had gone down to Tony's workshop to ask Tony something. He didn't even remember what he had meant to ask. He had never gotten around to asking it because his brain had short-circuited the moment he had stepped into Tony's lair. 

Now, you see, Steve was glad that Loki apparently finally felt comfortable around the Avengers and had even begun to call the tower his home. That was a good thing, by all means. It was also good to see that after everything that had happened, Loki got along with Clint very well. And with Tony. But Steve probably should've expected that that combo was about as bad as a nuclear bomb. Those three never should be left alone together. Because things like _this_ might happen then. 

When Steve had walked into the workshop, he had almost immediately stopped dead in his tracks.

Tony was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, Loki was standing behind him and in front of them was… a velociraptor. A dinosaur. A frigging dinosaur! Steve couldn't believe his eyes. Even less so when Tony reached out and actually _petted_ the extinct creature and then gave it a piece of raw meat. 

"Uh, Tony? What are you doing?" Steve asked and slowly stepped closer. 

"Isn't it obvious? Feeding a velociraptor," Tony answered matter-of-factly and gave the dinosaur another piece of meat. 

Steve should've known better than to ask something frankly so stupid. "Why is there a dinosaur in your workshop?" 

"Loki summoned him," Tony said and pointed behind him at the grinning God. 

Steve looked at him incredulously. "Why would you do such a thing?" It seemed a reasonable question. They were talking about a dinosaur! Alas, Steve momentarily had forgotten _who_ exactly he was talking to. 

"Why wouldn't I?" Loki answered, shrugging. "Also, his name is Rex." 

Suddenly the doors to the workshop opened again and in walked Clint carrying a huge container. 

"I have the meat for Rex!" the agent announced grinning and walked over to Tony and Loki, and _Rex_. 

Steve could only watch in utter disbelief as the three men stood around the quite excited looking velociraptor and one by one gave him small chunks of meat out of the container. He really should say something. Make Loki send the dinosaur back where it came from, approximately sixty-five million years ago. But he was too shocked to do anything right now. 

He expected quite a lot of ludicrous mischief from Loki but summoning a living dinosaur exceeded everything. This wasn't just ludicrous, it was dangerous. How had he even managed to do it? He knew Loki was powerful and he could do a lot with his magic, but summoning a living dinosaur? That seemed a bit much, even for the God of Mischief. 

"Ooh! You know what would be cool?" Tony suddenly piped up. "Another velociraptor and we let them race each other!" 

Before Steve could say anything at all, Loki had already summoned another velociraptor. It stood there looking around confused before it spotted the meat in Clint's hand and sniffed curiously. Clint smiled and gave him the meat which it ate happily. 

"What should we name this one then?" Loki asked as he also sat down on the floor; quite close to Tony, they were almost touching. 

"Bosco?" Clint suggested and patted the new velociraptor, which had red feathers. The first one had blue. 

"That's a dog's name," Tony argued. 

"So is Rex." 

"I like it," Loki chimed in. "What do you think, Scaley?" 

Steve hadn't noticed it before—he had been too distracted by the dinosaurs in the room—but on Loki's shoulder sat a tiny green lizard, which apparently was named _Scaley_. When had Loki gotten a lizard? Well, that was the least weird thing right now. 

The lizard seemed to understand Loki and bobbed its head in an affirmative answer. 

"Ha! Three against one!" Clint nearly yelled and grinned winningly at Tony. The velociraptors were startled by the sudden loud noise but Clint and Tony quickly calmed them with some more meat. 

"Bosco it is then," Tony gave in. 

"You know," Loki started then and Steve didn't like the sound of his voice. It promised reckless shenanigans. "For a proper race, we'd need at least one more, otherwise it isn't fun." 

Now Steve had to step in. He should've done so already. "DO NOT SUMMON ANOTHER!" he yelled. The velociraptors didn't like the noise and snarled at him. 

All three men were looking at him for a moment while the two velociraptors ate the meat straight out of the container. 

Then Tony looked at Loki. "Go, summon another!" 

Loki's grin was wider than Steve had ever seen as he summoned another dinosaur, this time with green feathers. "Thy name shall be… Don." 

Yeah, no, Steve had enough of this. He threw his arms up in frustration and turned around to leave the workshop.

"Just don't get eaten," he told them before he disappeared through the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art was kindly provided by Pinky_Wisteria! Thanks hon for doing it!


	2. The Introduction of LORD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve realises that one dinosaur apparently isn't enough. (Well duh!)

The Avengers were huddled together outside of the base of their latest villain, trying to come up with a good plan of attack. They had been pretty busy these last few weeks. Barely ever able catch a break. There were so many criminals and outright villains operating currently. It was honestly a bit strange.

This time was different though. This one was on a whole different level than the others. He was actually competent! Steve hadn't expected that and felt a bit guilty.

Steve, in an attempt to keep his team—particularly Tony, Clint and Loki—occupied, had paid some shady figures to cause some ruckus. Not too much, just enough so that the Avengers would have to be called in. Look, he didn't feel good about it. But he had been somewhat desperate. He was afraid of what Tony, Clint and Loki would get up to if they were bored and left to their own devices. After the incident with the three velociraptors (Clint had also gotten bitten but he had said it had been his fault… How?), Steve had needed to do something. And paying criminals to do criminal stuff was easier than trying to talk those three rascals out of mischief. One of them was literally the God of Mischief! So you can imagine how successful that would've been.

Until now his plan had worked just fine. There had been no more mischief at the tower because they had been busy. He was convinced that the velociraptors still resided in Tony's workshop though. Mostly because he wasn't allowed in there anymore.

Well, anyway, this villain was different. He was actually competent. He had a small army of minions and the Avengers were surrounded. There were traps all around their hiding spot and there was no other cover available on the way from here to the entrance of the base.

Steve peeked around the corner of their hiding place. "Alright." He turned back to his team. "Well, opinions?"

The others looked at him confused. He supposed that was fair. He was their leader, although he had never wanted to be that. But okay.

"I think we're in a lot of trouble," Loki said then while torturing a tree branch with one of his daggers.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, thank you, Loki. That's a great help. Tony?"

"I think Loki is right. We're in a lot of trouble," Tony answered.

Steve resisted an annoyed groan and turned to Natasha. "Natasha? And if you say we're in a lot of trouble–"

"We are," Natasha interrupted him.

Steve wanted to bang his head against the wall of the ruin of a house they were in. It wasn't the first time he was reconsidering being part of the Avengers, or their leader. But they were gradually getting weirder and he more desperate.

He noticed Loki, Clint and Tony, who had opened the faceplate of his suit, glancing at each other with mischievous glints in their eyes and Steve had a bad feeling. Yup, he felt it in his gut, this wasn't going to end well.

"Why don't we just send the dinos at them?" Tony suggested then, grinning like a little boy on Christmas.

"That's actually a good idea," Loki agreed, matching Tony's grin.

Steve narrowed his eyes. "You only have three," he pointed out, like that was the _actual_ problem with Tony's suggestion. "That won't do much. Besides, they have automatic weapons and robots."

Tony, Clint and Loki—the Dino Bros—exchanged meaningful, mischievous glances before all three went "Riiiight… Three" at the exact same time.

Steve sighed. "Oh no. What did you do?"

Loki flashed him a grin and then with a wave of his hand lifted what probably had been a cloaking spell and revealed a small army of dinosaurs of varying sizes and species (and probably eras) behind them. There were some velociraptors but mostly it were medium to large dinosaurs, and all probably carnivorous. And also, and that was probably the weirdest thing Steve had seen today, they were equipped with some of Tony's best tech. How were they even going to use that? What was the point of that? Seemed rather like a waste of time and resources.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" Steve groaned and slumped against the wall.

There were a few moments of tense silence in which Steve seriously contemplated just walking out there and let himself get shot. That would probably cause him less pain than dealing with those three idiots. He was kinda glad that he still had Natasha, Thor and Bruce. They were rational and _normal_.

Or so he thought.

"Can I ride one of them?" Natasha suddenly asked and Steve's jaw dropped.

"Natasha! Not you too!" he nearly pleaded. Natasha was the most level-headed, rational-thinking of them all—and yes, Steve included himself here. If she was to join the Dino Bros… The Avengers would be doomed!

Natasha looked at him confused and shrugged. "What? Tell me you don't want to ride a dinosaur into battle."

Steve stared at her in disbelief. Yes, he had lost Natasha to the Dino Bros. Great. "I don't want to ride a dinosaur into battle!"

"Liar," Tony suddenly accused him as he walked over to the dinosaurs.

Clint followed him. "They're called LORD."

"It stands for _Legion of Random Dinos_ ," Tony clarified as he petted one of the larger dinosaurs.

Natasha frowned at them. "Very creative."

Loki had joined Tony and Clint and fed some of the dinosaurs meat, others got berries or something like that. So they weren't all carnivorous. He, Clint and Tony looked at Natasha and shrugged.

Steve was this close to losing all faith in the sanity of those three men. He buried his face in his hands and wished he'd still be frozen.


	3. Complain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has to answer to Fury.

Rather unexpectedly, the assault on the enemy base with an army of dinosaurs had actually gone pretty well. Steve would never admit that out loud though. He didn't have to anyway. The Dino Bros and Natasha knew it already. But the aftermath of it hadn't been so good. Because now Steve had to justify what had happened to Fury. Which wasn't easy. Also, he had lost his authority over the Avengers when he had gone along and rode a dinosaur into the battle. How could he have possibly said No? It was every boy's dream to ride a dinosaur (or so he assumed). It had been quite the experience.

Now Steve was close to tears as he was talking to Fury on the SHIELD helicarrier.

"They're driving me mad, Fury!" he complained loudly. "They're children! I didn't want to ride a dinosaur to the fight but… but how does one refuse something like that?" He sighed heavily. "And now they won't even listen to a thing I say. They know I'll join them! They gang up on me!"

Fury and Maria Hill were both silent as they looked at Steve. He must've looked so done to them. And he was done. He hadn't had much sleep because the floor right under him was now the base of LORD. And dinosaurs didn't know jackshit about sleeping hours. Or it was the Dino Bros keeping them awake. They said it was for training but Steve knew better. They were just messing with him. He shouldn't react to it but that was easier said than done.

Eventually, Steve looked up at Fury and Hill. Fury looked serious as always. But Hill looked like she was contemplating asking about something but wasn't sure if she really should.

"So?" Hill asked then, apparently having made a decision. "How was it?"

There was no question about what she was referring to. Steve groaned and buried his face in his hands. Again. How often had he done that lately?

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Fury nearly yelled and glared at Hill.

Steve guessed that most of the SHIELD agents actually thought that the dinosaur army was pretty cool. He knew for a fact that it was the number one topic on the helicarrier. And that was understandable. Fury probably had his hands full too. So Steve decided to return to the tower. He needed some sleep.


	4. Say Hello to Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers meet one of Loki's friends, and they're stunned.

Once again, Steve found himself in a precarious situation when the Avengers were once more in pursuit of a villain but they were trapped. Not literally or anything. They just couldn't do anything right now. Not without risking hurting the hostages this villain held in their base. Test subjects for them. This wasn't so bad. No, it was bad but it wasn't what bothered Steve.

The Dino Bros didn't try to be sneaky about their LORD anymore and that's why Steve was currently sitting in the middle of dinosaurs. Okay, he had to admit that they made for a pretty good protection. But that didn't distract from the fact that THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY DINOSAURS! Steve would never tire of pointing this very important detail out.

The other Avengers—yes, that included Thor and Bruce; Steve was now officially the only rational person of this team—were busy playing with the velociraptors. Steve had tried to come up with a plan of attack with them but they were all convinced that they should just ride in on the dinosaurs. Steve wouldn't have any of it. He'd had that discussion way too many times by now. That wasn't how this team was supposed to be operating. They were Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Not Earth's Bored Dinosaur Trainers. You know, that should really go without saying. They were supposed to prevent and fight crimes, not possibly commit them…

Well, at least the dinosaurs actually listened to them. They followed orders better than the rest of the team.

"Guys, please be reasonable," Steve started another attempt. "We can't just charge in there! We need a solid plan of attack!"

From the looks everyone was giving him, he knew they would ignore what he'd said. They always did. Blasted dinosaurs. If he'd just hadn't rode one of them, then he might still have some of his team's respect.

"Can I ride the T-Rex this time?" Clint asked, ignoring what Steve had said, like the soldier had expected. It was like he was invisible to them.

"No, it's my turn now!" Tony argued and crossed his arms over his chest, like a little child that didn't get what it wanted.

"Boys, don't fight," Natasha stepped in. "The T-Rex is big enough for both of you."

Both Clint and Tony looked at her like she had just grown a second head.

"I don't want to share," Clint said.

"Neither do I," agreed Tony.

"That's true," Loki suddenly chimed in. "Yesterday, he ate a family-size pizza all by himself. I was hungry too, you know."

"You had tacos!" Tony defended himself.

Clint looked at Loki like he had just stabbed him. Such betrayal. "You had tacos without me? Rude."

Loki looked at him for a moment and then completely changed the topic. Or maybe not. Steve didn't really follow their conversations.

"I'll ride the dragon," Loki stated like it was the most normal thing ever to say these words.

Steve stared at him, just like everyone else. So the dragon was a new thing for everyone. At least Steve wasn't the only one confused right now then.

"Since when is there a dragon?" he asked. There was no point in wondering about the how or from where or anything like that. He knew he wouldn't get a satisfying answer anyway. He had tried that about the dinosaurs and it hadn't worked.

"Yesterday," Loki answered, sounding very proud of himself. And a bit giddy. "I got him from Alfheim. He's a friend of mine."

Tony furrowed his brows. "Are you saying you can talk to dragons?"

"Of course I can. His name is Gwaine."

And as if that had been his cue, a huge shadow fell over them. The dinosaurs all moved away to make room and then a dragon landed in their midst, close to Loki. He had black scales that seemed to shimmer in all the colours of the rainbow in the right light and angle. He had horns that vaguely reminded Steve of Loki's and piercing blue eyes. Steve didn't even know eyes could be so blue. He was about the size of three T-Rex in height and two in lengths, which didn't say much because none of the people here had ever gone and measured a T-Rex. So at least they weren't _that_ stupid. A gold star for them!

All of them stared at the dragon who now lay down. Loki went over to him and patted his snout. If he wanted, the dragon could swallow the God whole with just one bite. But the dragon—Gwaine—made a sound that Steve could only describe as _purring_ when Loki patted him and gave him the occasional piece of meat.

"Is he part of LORD too?" Steve finally asked, once he had found his voice again.

Loki turned his head to look at him and smiled rather condescending. "Of course he is. Dragons are just mythical dinosaurs."

That was an interesting point but Steven wasn't sure it was accurate because dragons shouldn't even exist! But then, aliens shouldn't either. Or the Norse Gods. Yeah, forget what he just said. A huge dragon whose master apparently was Loki the God of Mischief wasn't the weirdest thing Steve had witnessed recently. Really, he shouldn't be so surprised anymore but here he was, utterly flabbergasted. And who could blame him? At least he wasn't the only one.

"I want to ride the dragon too!" Tony announced excitedly.

"That means I get the T-Rex. Sweet!" Clint said and grinned triumphantly.

Steve wondered why Loki hadn't gone ahead and summoned another T-Rex. It was kind of weird that in the entirety of their dinosaur army, there was only one T-Rex. And the fact that _that_ was weird to Steve went a long way to show how very done he was with these idiots that were his team.

"I'll take the Triceratops," Natasha stated as she stood up and walked over to said dinosaur, giving it a few good pats and some berries.

Gwaine lowered his head for Loki to climb on it. Once the Trickster was settled and secured, probably by his magic, he looked down at Tony.

"You will not ride the dragon with me, Anthony," he said and thereby crushed Tony's dreams like an ant under his boot. "Take the Pterodactyl. He likes you."

"Aww man," Tony whined.

"What will you take, Cap?" Clint asked as he climbed the T-Rex.

"I will not charge in on a dinosaur!" Steve answered determined. To no avail though because everyone started laughing.

"Yeah, sure, of course you won't," Tony said after he had settled on the back of the Pterodactyl.

Gwaine stood up and towered above everyone. Loki grinned. "Okay, let's go, people! Let battle commence!"

Gwaine spread his wings and then took off into the sky with the dragon-equivalent of a battle cry. Tony on his Pterodactyl was close behind and the rest of the Avengers on their respective dinosaurs followed, and after them the rest of LORD. Except for one Allosaurus who looked at Steve waiting.

Steve was honestly close to tears. This was madness! But nobody would listen to him. He sighed in defeat and mounted the Allosaurus, then followed his team.


	5. So Fucking Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve officially had enough of his team's nonsense.

When the tower's fire-alarm started blaring, Steve bolted upright on the couch. He looked around for a few confused seconds and then sighed once he realised what was going on. He had a very good guess about where the fire was and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

A few days had passed since their last mission now and it had been awfully quiet around the Dino Bros, and Steve really didn't like it. It was like with cats. Silence was never a good sign. But he still cared and was worried about what had happened. Until now they had never caused much damage, let alone fire. 

"LOKI! TONY! WHAT'S GOING ON THERE, JARVIS? WHAT DID THEY DO?" Steve yelled at the ceiling as he ran toward the elevator and hit that down-button with unnecessary force. 

"I'm afraid they didn't consider the consequences of conjuring a fire-breathing dragon into the lab," JARVIS answered him as the elevator doors opened. 

"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, LOKI!" Steve groaned and entered the elevator. 

"To be entirely fair, Sir, he was instigated by–" 

"Tony and Clint, I imagine," Steve finished the sentence. 

"Agent Romanoff and… well, particularly Thor, I'm afraid." 

Steve frowned at the ceiling. Also, was it just him or was the alarm getting louder? Didn't Tony have sprinklers or so installed? Probably not in his lab though because of all the electronics… 

"WHAT WERE THEY ALL DOING IN THE LAB?" Steve asked the AI. He didn't want to yell but yelling seemed somewhat appropriate in this situation. He was so done with those idiots and he needed to get his frustration out somehow. 

JARVIS kept quiet. Steve's frown deepened. Also never a good sign was when the AI kept quiet when asked a question. 

"JARVIS…?" 

"They were having the biweekly 'Don't Tell Steve We're Doing This' games," JARVIS finally answered. 

Steve let his head drop and sighed heavily. "Stop the elevator, JARVIS. Take me back to my floor, I need to lie down." 

"Are you alright, Sir?" 

"My head hurts." 

JARVIS did as asked and took Steve back to his own floor. He exited the elevator and pretty much stumbled to his couch and dropped down on it. He was just about to lie down and hopefully sleep for days when there was a ringing. 

"Captain Rogers?" he heard JARVIS. "There's a call from Director Fury waiting for you." 

He just couldn't catch a break, could he? Why was he responsible for everything here? He was the leader of the Avengers, and also apparently their babysitter. He had never felt his age like now. 

Sighing, he picked up the call. "Yes, Sir?" 

"Captain," Fury said and he sounded pissed. Well, more than normally. "Can you tell me why there's a huge-ass DRAGON on top of the Empire State Building?" 

Well that probably explained the fire-alarm. Steve took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Unsuccessfully.

"HE GOT OUT?!" 

"What?" he heard Fury ask but Steve just hung up. 

This had to end. Everything. All the stuff with the dinosaurs and the dragon and everything. It was time that Steve put his fist down and ended this nonsense. 

"That bunch of reckless idiots will be the death of me," Steve complained as he got up again and took the elevator to the common floor. 

"Shall I let them gather?" JARVIS asked when Steve had arrived there. 

"Of course!" 

"Hey, don't take your frustration out on me." 

"I'm sorry, you're right," Steve apologised. He really didn't want to yell at JARVIS. It wasn't his fault that the Avengers were a bunch of children. Dangerous and reckless children. 

One after another, his team arrived at the common floor and sat down on the couch while Steve decided to keep standing. When everyone was gathered, he crossed his arms over his chest. 

"What is this about?" Tony asked. 

For a brief moment, Steve's eyes were fixed on how close Tony and Loki were sitting on the couch. Tony was practically in Loki's lap. And they were holding hands. Subtly, but they were. He wondered when that had happened but that wasn't important right now. 

Steve took a deep breath and then… "YOU LET HIM GET AWAY?!" 

"Who?" Clint asked, confused. 

"THE DRAGON!" 

Nobody said anything. Steve turned his gaze to Loki. 

"You! He's your friend, you're responsible for him! Get him back here before he destroys the whole city!" he demanded. 

Loki looked at him affronted. "Hey! Gwaine is a gentle soul! He just wanted to spread his wings." 

Steve groaned and outright glared at him. Really, he's had enough of this. "He's a fire-breathing dragon! He's a menace!" 

Loki's expression changed to one of hurt and he actually had a sad look in his eyes. Was Steve too harsh here? No! This had been going on for way too long. It needed to end. Things needed to go back to normal. 

What he hadn't quite expected was Tony and Clint standing up for Loki. Although, he really _should've_. 

"Hey!" Tony shot back at Steve and glared at him while putting an arm around Loki's shoulders and pulling him close. "Don't yell at him! He's sensitive." 

"Also," Clint pointed out. "It isn't his fault. He got burned too. Things didn't go according to plan." 

Steve raised an eyebrow. "And what plan was that?" 

Everybody was silent again and exchanged glances. There had been no plan, Steve knew that. These people never had a plan. Steve had honestly no idea how they were still alive. Okay, Loki he could imagine. He was a God. But the others? He didn't understand it. How much luck did they have? Or maybe it was because the God of Mischief was their friend. Yeah, probably that. 

Suddenly Loki stood up. "I'll get him back alright." 

Steve looked at him surprised but nodded. "Good." He looked at Loki's companions. "You lot help him. You're responsible too." 

They all stood up and followed Loki outside. Except for Clint, who stopped to look at Steve disapprovingly. 

"Ugh, you're no fun anymore, Cap. I miss the dinosaur-riding Captain America. That had style," he said and then turned around and followed the others. 

Steve looked after them and then slumped down on the couch, once again burying his face in his hands. Dealing with them on a daily basis was really getting to him. He felt so exhausted. When had he become the babysitter for five grown-ups? Where was the sense in that? 

You know, it was really Fury's fault. He had put him in charge. This was all his fault, yes. Steve could… There was this urge… 

_I'm going to kill Fury for defrosting me!_ , he thought, gritting his teeth. _For defrosting me and then leaving me in charge of these cracknuts while he chills around in that fucking floating office of his! Fuck the serum! They're going to have me grey and wrinkled in a matter of fucking days!_

He took a few deep breaths. _Calm down, Steve. But damn, do I wanna beat them all like a bunch of menacing villains! BUCKY! Think about Buck! Yeah!_

Steve sighed. _Sweet, adorable Buck! Nice Buck! Buck would never do this to me!_


	6. Et tu, Bucky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No betrayal would ever sting so much.

A few days had passed since Gwaine had escaped the tower and given New York another shock. This city had seen so much already, a dragon really shouldn't come as that big of a surprise. But it had. And how exactly do you explain that there's a dragon in Central Park? How?! That was beyond Steve's comprehension. But Fury had somehow managed it. Steve didn't even want to know how he had done it. 

Once again though it's been quiet around the others. Steve hadn't seen Loki ever since he had gotten Gwaine back. According to Thor, Steve had hurt Loki that day at the meeting. Steve really couldn't understand why the Trickster was being so dramatic about it. What had Steve said for him to feel hurt? He was pretty sure he hadn't said anything concerning Loki at all, besides that Gwaine was his responsibility; which he was. Steve just didn't get it. But he wouldn't think too much about it now. Loki would come around eventually. Maybe. 

He couldn't help thinking that it was probably bad to be on Loki's list though. At least judging by Thor's comments, it was apparently dangerously stupid to make an enemy of Loki. Well, they've been enemies before. How bad could it possibly be? 

Although, during the invasion, Loki hadn't been himself… Okay, yeah, maybe Steve should apologise to Loki, even though he had no idea what he'd be apologising for. For insulting his pet dragon? Maybe. 

Anyway, none of that mattered because Steve wasn't alone anymore! Bucky had joined a couple of days ago and Steve couldn't be happier. Finally he wasn't alone with those idiots anymore. Bucky was his best friend, he was on his side. Steve was sure. 

But… it's always the ones closest to you, isn't it? 

Steve was reading on the couch when he heard his friend call for him. 

"Steve! Hey, Steve!" 

"What is it, Buck?" Steve asked as he got up. Bucky sounded so excited. 

If Steve had thought that Bucky was on his side (which he had), then he was proven wrong now. Looking outside, he saw Gwaine on the balcony (how did that even hold the dragon?) and on top of him… Bucky. 

"I'M ON A DRAGON!" Bucky yelled excitedly, lifting his arms over his head. 

Steve looked at him sad and betrayed. So much for that. "Oh no, not you too. Has everybody left me?" he asked more to himself. 

Tony came to stand next to him. He had been in the kitchen making coffee. He stared at Bucky on the dragon and then at Loki who was standing next to Gwaine. 

"Hey!" Tony confronted the Trickster, his voice sounding very hurt. "Why is he allowed to ride the dragon and not me?! I'm your fucking boyfriend!" 

Loki sighed. "It isn't my decision." 

Tony kept looking at him for a few moments and then turned to Gwaine. "What have I ever done to you, Gwaine?" 

Steve hadn't seen Gwaine talk before. It was weird. He saw him move his mouth and all but the sounds he made didn't sound like anything but growls. Loki though understood perfectly and nodded as the dragon was talking to him. Tony was waiting patiently for whatever would come next. 

Loki turned to Tony. "You've eaten his beef jerky." 

Steve wouldn't even wonder about the fact that apparently they were feeding the dragon with _beef jerky_. Maybe it was more like treats? Did they do the same with the dinosaurs? Oh damn, now he _was_ wondering. 

"Guys," he addressed them all and tried not to sigh. "Can we please stop with this nonsense?"

Tony and Loki frowned at him. They always did that before ignoring him. Bucky was frowning too though. 

"What are you talking about?" he asked Steve grinning. "I thought the Avengers were… well, ridiculous. You're only seven guys. But you have an army of dinosaurs and a DRAGON! This is so cool!" 

Steve stared at him in disbelief and felt tears fill his eyes. "I feel so lonely…," he mumbled. 

"I want to ride the T-Rex next!" Bucky announced as he jumped off Gwaine. 

Yeah, Steve had enough. This was all too much for him. He curled into a ball on the ground and cried silently. Why was everyone so weird? Seriously, they were all insane! 

"Steve?" he heard Bucky ask confused and concerned. "What's wrong?" 

"Don't worry about him." That was Tony. "This happens at least twice a week."

How did he even know that? He was right, yes, but how could he know this? Steve only ever did this when he was alone in his room. Or did he just assume it happened at all? Or had JARVIS told him? Oh, it didn't matter anyway. 

"True," said Loki and Steve could hear his mischievous grin. "Now, come on, let's ride some dinos!" 

"Sweet!" Oh Bucky, why you too? 

"Also, welcome to the Don't Tell Steve We're Doing This Club!" Tony said and clapped Bucky on the back.

They had a club? They had a club specifically for this kind of shenanigans? Steve was so done with them.

"We seriously need a better name," came from Loki before the three of them left the balcony. 


	7. Get A Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is an oblivious idiot but Bucky helps him.

_A few weeks later…_

"I no longer care what shenanigans you lot do," Steve announced during a perfectly normal and quiet movie night. 

Okay, not that quiet because just before everyone had gathered in the common area, there had been an explosion in Tony's workshop. And they didn't even have the decency to at least clean themselves up before coming here and taking their seats. No, all of them—that was Tony, Loki, Clint, Bucky, Natascha and Thor—were covered in dust. Bruce and Steve were the only ones not looking like a vacuum cleaner had thrown up on them. 

While Bruce didn't seem to officially be part of the little club the rest of the Avengers had formed, he also didn't seem to be on Steve's side. He did like the dinosaurs and had once told Steve to "give them a chance". 

Give them a chance! What was that even supposed to mean? They were dinosaurs! He had given Loki a chance, and he had actually proven himself a great addition to the team. Well, not considering the whole deal with the dinosaurs at least. Yeah yeah, he was the God of Mischief. But summoning an army of dinosaurs wasn't mischief anymore. Steve didn't know what it was but it certainly didn't qualify as mischief. 

Steve would've accepted the dragon, to be honest. Mostly because dragons were apparently a thing, a still existing thing. Not on Earth but on another realm, so Steve guessed that was okay. Well, as long as Loki had him under control, which actually wasn't often the case. But dinosaurs were extinct. They used to be a thing on Earth but had long been dead. There really shouldn't be any walking around! 

But it didn't matter now because Steve was done trying to make them see reason. He's had enough of it. They didn't go on a rampage with their dinosaurs and the dragon, they only used them to help defeat villains. And get on Steve's nerves. So he tried to turn a blind eye from now on. He knew he would fail but he could at least try. 

Everyone was looking at him and it was a bit strange to see six pairs of eyes and six raised eyebrows directed at yourself. Kind of interesting how they all had the exact same expression right now. Bit unsettling maybe. 

"Um…," Loki started and crossed his arms. "Who's convinced?" 

All of them shook their heads. 

"Not me," Tony said. 

"He even gave up shaving?" Clint commented now. "You think that's a choice or the stress getting to him?" 

It was both, to be fair. Although, probably mostly the stress. 

"Definitely the stress," Natasha answered. 

Damn you, Natasha. 

"I think he looks good," Bucky suddenly said and smiled at Steve. 

His companions all rolled their eyes. "WE KNOW!" they groaned in unison. 

Bucky looked at them confused. "Wow, no need to get mad. I'm just saying." 

"You've been saying that for a week! Every minute! We heard!" 

Steve couldn't help grinning at that. For a couple of reasons. One, Bucky thought he looked good. That hadn't been his goal when he had decided to stop shaving but it was a great side effect. Second, the others were annoyed. That was even better than Bucky thinking he looked good. He had been annoyed by them so many times, it was refreshing to see them annoyed. 

Suddenly he heard noises that definitely were coming from Gwaine but Steve didn't see the dragon anywhere. And it really wasn't hard to miss him. 

"Even Gwaine is annoyed by it," Loki said. "Just get a room." After a pause he added: "His words, not mine." 

Just then Gwaine came out of his hiding spot under the coffee table and climbed onto Loki's shoulders where he settled like he was a very scaly scarf. Steve stared at him. 

"Since when is he the size of a cat?" he asked. 

"A few days," Loki answered. 

"Did you do that or did he?" 

"He of course. You never asked what he can do." 

Steve looked at him for a few more moments before he started massaging his temples. 

"Gwaine has a point though," Bucky said, from the sound of it probably more to himself. 

"What do you mean?" Steve asked his friend and looked up. 

Bucky smirked at him and took Steve's hand, pulling him out of the armchair. "You'll see," he said and then pulled Steve along with him out of the room. 

"WELL FINALLY!" Steve heard the rest of the Avengers basically cheer. He even heard Bruce. He couldn't help but chuckle and moved closer to Bucky as they made their way to their room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, the art was kindly provided by Pinky_Wisteria! I love it so much, thank you!


	8. Gwaine Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki want to enjoy a quiet evening away from the Avengers.

After Steve and Bucky had disappeared, presumably to have some horizontal fun (maybe even vertically, depending on how horny exactly they were), the rest of the Avengers just hung around the common area with the TV as background noise while they planned new mischief. 

After some time though, conversation faded and they mostly watched some stupid movie which none of them would remember anyway. 

Tony got up and knelt before Loki on the couch, who just raised a questioning eyebrow. "So what do you say to going on a candlelight dinner with me, your Highness?" he asked, smirking. 

Loki chuckled while everyone else groaned. They already knew about this game of Loki and Tony and it was annoying. Frankly, all this lovey-dovey going on lately was annoying to those not in a committed relationship. Bucky's pining for Steve and Tony's and Loki's weird games. All too much, really. Tony and Loki were aware of their friend's annoyance though, so they did it on purpose, just to bug them. And they thrived doing that! Loki was the God of Mischief, and Tony his sidekick (with whom he was romantically involved). 

"Hmm," Loki hummed and then grinned. "Let me ask my advisor." 

Tony rolled his eyes and watched rather annoyed as Loki talked to Gwaine in dragon language. 

"Mmmhmmm…," Loki hummed and nodded while Gwaine was talking about _something_. Nobody ever knew and they had to take Loki's word for it (literally) that what he translated was what the dragon had actually said. 

They once had asked Thor why Loki could talk to dragons and he couldn't, to which Thor had replied that Loki had probably taught himself. Or maybe on his travels to Alfheim. Most likely it was both. 

"My knees are starting to hurt, my liege!" Tony complained. 

Loki just kept on chatting with Gwaine without paying Tony any attention. Most likely deliberately to tease him. And of course it worked, judging by the fact that Tony got up and grabbed Loki's hand. 

"You're coming with me to that candlelight dinner that took me two days to arrange!" he practically ordered his still smirking boyfriend. 

"But my advisor–," Loki started but was cut off. 

"Uh-uh! Zip it!" Tony pulled Loki up from the couch. "Your _advisor_ is staying here." He looked over at Clint. "Barton, you're on Gwaine duty!" 

Then Tony picked Gwaine off Loki's shoulder and set him down in Clint's lap, before he pulled Loki with him to the elevator. 

Once inside, Loki looked at Tony with a raised eyebrow. "You know he's going to screw it up, don't you?" he asked as the doors closed. Tony nodded. "And our dinner is going to be cut short?" 

Tony turned to him and put an arm around his waist. "How about… for the night… his royal Highness forgets about the rest and focuses on his boyfriend?" 

Loki looked at him for quite a long time, frowning as he thought about something. All the while, Tony merely smirked at him.

Loki's eyes widened as sudden realisation hit him and he gently punched Tony in the chest. "I KNEW YOU WERE JEALOUS OF GWAINE!" he practically yelled and grinned very self-satisfied at Tony, who just rolled his eyes. 

_Later…_

Tony and Loki were entangled on the bed in their hotel room as suddenly Tony's phone rang. Both groaned annoyed but Tony picked up nonetheless when he saw that it was JARVIS. He put it on speaker. 

"Sirs?" the voice of the AI sounded. "It's about Agent Barton." 

Loki sighed and leaned against the headboard of the bed. "So much for forgetting everything." 

Tony nodded. "What happened?" he asked JARVIS. 

"Well," JARVIS drawled, which was quite uncharacteristic for him and Tony raised an eyebrow. "Gwaine turned him into a parrot." 

Loki burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that he was actually tearing up. "Classic." 

Tony frowned at him. That wasn't the reaction he had expected but given that this was Loki, the God of Mischief and infamous trickster, and that he and Gwaine had a history together, he really should've seen it coming. That also meant that Gwaine turning someone into a parrot had happened before. Tony would ask about it some other time. 

"Also," JARVIS continued. "The tower was on fire and Gwaine is gone." 

"It was?" Loki asked, probably referring to the 'the tower was on fire' bit. "That means it's not anymore. Good." 

Suddenly a window burst open, scattering glass all over the floor, and a cat-sized dragon came flying into the room, making very excited and happy noises. He landed on the bed and immediately curled up in Loki's lap.

Loki smiled at him affectionately. "Aw, you were looking for me! Who's a good dragon?" Gwaine growled happily and huffed out a tiny cloud of smoke. "Yes, that's right! You are!"

And while Loki _cuddled_ the dragon (How? Wasn't that uncomfortable?), Tony sat next to him with crossed arms and a very displeased expression. 

"And you wonder why I'm jealous."

All Loki did was grin at him while he peppered Gwaine with affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, thank you, Pinky_Wisteria, for the wonderful art! I love it! 
> 
> So, I hope you liked this ridiculous story. Kudos and comments appreciated but please be kind. This was really just some Tumblr nonsense and shouldn't be taken too seriously.


End file.
